“Please, Serafim, I don’t need you to constantly remind me to relax and breathe. I understand your point!” “Doing is understanding,” Serafim said.
Words…we can get the gist of their meaning…our minds can understand. But until we live those words, act upon those words, be those words, we do not understand them to the fullest extent. Doing what we say we understand demonstrates true understanding…and the doing is much more difficult and painful than simply saying we get it. At times, it can be quite suffocating when what we have to do is something we do not want to have to do…but it is something that in the end it what is the best for us despite the pain of loss of something we desire.
“You still cling to the familiar, Socrates, to rote techniques you’ve repeated a thousand times. But you can’t preplan for every situation. Reality will surprise you every time.
I am guilty of clinging to the familiar, to the comfortable even when that is poisonous to me. In fact, it is possible that I have deliberately kept myself in chaotic situations because that is what I grew up accustomed to. Living in chaos is what I knew…I developed keen skills for pre-planning…to the point of absurdity at times. But in planning, I felt like I had control. Control is just an illusion, though, because, reality does get you every time. I have had to learn that planning too far in advance causes you to miss important things in the present…and it is wasted effort…so many things change along the way…then I’m back in chaos because my plans have been disrupted.
"In combat, there’s no time to think. Beforehand, you may plan and strategize, but all plans are tentative and must change on the spur of the moment. Whatever happens, there’s only one certainty: It will not go exactly as you expect. So expect nothing, but be prepared for anything. Relax and trust your body’s wisdom. It will respond on it’s own."
Things will not go exactly as you expect…the bane of my existence to this point is having expectations. I had them because I know I would do for others what I was expecting them to do for me. That is unfair. Other people are not me, do not have the same physical and emotional capabilities or desires as me. So in expecting things, I set myself up for disappointment every single time. Better to expect nothing and be prepared for anything.
“As long as you stay relaxed and mobile,” Serafim remarked, “you’ll never again become weighed down by many hands.”
In the story, Socrates had been held down by many hands while his he watched his wife and unborn child be murdered…that is to what this quote refers…But, more symbolically, to me, it means that by staying relaxed, mobile, flexible, fluid, you will not be weighed down not only by people’s hands but people’s words, deeds, actions. Being relaxed and again, expecting nothing, allows you to be hurt far less.
“Life is about refinement, not perfection. And you still have refining to do.”
Refining…that is what life is about…not striving for perfection. But becoming better over time. Learning from our past, our mistakes, and our successes, and putting that which we have learned into practice… that is how we refine.
“If you can’t use anything else,” Serafim urged, “use your wits. You may surprise yourself with your abilities, even against great odds.”
Wits can really be something if we use them. So much of the time, I think we go through life half witless. We ignore logic, let our fears, irrationalities and emotions get the best of us. Some of us have been conditioned to be that way because of the environments we have grown up in…but we can change that…stop ourselves in our tracks…use our wits, think things through and come out ahead against the odds.
“The true warrior, Socrates, retains his humanity even in battle. In winning a brutal victory, you may still lose your soul. Those who fight the dragon may become the dragon.”
When we wage a battle against our enemy (the one who hurt us, destroyed us, robbed us), it is really often our inner demon that we are fighting. The monster we created within…the anger that has built up over time…that has consumed us…that is the real enemy now…that is the dragon, too. When we allow ourselves to fight the dragon (both the enemy and our inner monster), we can become the dragon. We can become vicious, angry, and vengeful. No matter how much we say we just want to just to it to honor someone else or to get even, revenge and hate can consume us and instead of feeling pity for those who have harmed us for their foul ways, in our vengeance we become more like them…we become the dragon.
“Training never ends,” Serafim responded. “It only evolves, depending upon your purpose.”
We are never done…learning, growing, changing. As we go through life, we encounter people, situations, and circumstances that provide us an opportunity for training.
“A vow you made to yourself, not to God. In truth, Socrates, you have no opponents but yourself. Make peace within, and there will be no one who can overcome you. And no one you will wish to overcome.”
I am my worst opponent. Have been for as long as I can remember. I beat myself up more than anyone else could ever do. Some of it is self-inflicted from my mouth to my ears…and some of it is my setting myself up for it. I HAVE to make peace within. I have to get to that point where I do not wish to lash back at those who hurt me…to get to the point where what they do or say just simply does not hurt me because I have that peace within. I have to get to that point because then, too, nothing anyone says or does will have power over me.
“The intellect is a great ladder into the sky, but it stops short of the heavens. Only the heart’s wisdom can light the way. Your namesake, Socrates, reminded the youth of Athens that ‘Wisdom begins in wonder…’
“But beyond these lofty words, Serafim--what am I to do?”
“What is anyone to do? Put one foot in front of the other! You are only a player in a drama greater than anyone but God can conceive…sometimes I’m not so sure that even God can make sense of it!” he said, laughing. “We can only play the role we are given. Do you understand? Those who appear in your life--whether to help or to harm--are all given by God. Meet all of them with a peaceful heart, but with a warrior’s spirit. You will fail many times, but in failing, you will learn, and in learning you’ll find your way. In the meantime, surrender to God’s will, to the life you were given, moment by moment.”
“How can I know God’s will, Serafim?”
“Faith does not rely on knowing anything with certainty,” he said. “it requires only the courage to accept that whatever happens, whether it brings pleasure or pain, it for the highest good.”
Our minds can get us only so far. We need our hearts too. For those of us who have been hurt badly, we would like to close off the heart to protect it. But we can’t…it is necessary.
As painful as it is, one foot in front of the other is all we can do some days. We play the role
I do believe that there are reasons…reasons for everything…the good and the bad. In the moment, we may not know the reason or mistake the reason. But years later, looking back, perhaps we can see the bigger plan, the bigger picture. Failures are part of learning. Loss is part of learning. But in learning, we do find our way…but only if we learn. Stay in the moment…
Faith is like trust…it requires courage. Even when it brings pain…perhaps it was for the greater good, as heartbreaking as that may be.
“As we die from one life into the next…we may also die and be reborn in a single lifetime…and the story, the journey, goes on and on…”
I have died and I want to be reborn…and I want a new journey…a new story.
No comments:
Post a Comment