Fixing the Broken

We project to the world our exterior. People who know me have seen a pretty together person...straight A's, PTO president....pretty much the best at everything I put my mind to. They call me an overachiever. Personally, I hate that term...I think there is no such thing as overachieving....I think we achieve to our own ability...or at least make the choice to achieve it or not to achieve it. But, we can achieve higher than someone else's expectations of us...but that does not make us an over achiever...it just means someone else's standard it lower than our ability. Just my opinion...

Anyways, on the outside, I am a rock. I can make it look really good.

On the inside...that is where the mess is. That is where the clean up needs to begin.

There are so many things to repair, renew, and rebuild that I'm not quite sure where to begin. But I guess as with everything else I have had to do in life, I should just pick one thing and fix it. Then another and then another.

It is quite hard to fight more that one battle at a time...it can be done by a skilled warrior, perhaps. But I don't yet have those skills. So, it is one at a time for me. I'm not really sure what all I have to work on but I have managed to identify a few things....

1) I need to stop putting myself down and stop setting myself up to be disappointed.
2) I need to stop measuring myself by what other people say or think about me.
3) I need to make wise choices with my mind...
4) I need to use the tools I have within me. . .even when it is scary to do so.
5) I need to live in the here and now...take what I have learned from the past but stay in the hear and now...don't go back and live there.

So, I'm not sure how to do all of this...but I know that I can do number 1...so I will start there. I will stop putting myself down and setting myself up to be disappointed.

So, no more putting myself down, because basically, I'm pretty awesome. And any attention I get should be good attention...I don't need to bring negative attention to myself.

If I know it is not in someone's character to give me something I need, then it is on me to have expected it or taken the risk to begin with...

So, I need to catch myself before I do those things...
* first step is recognizing that I do it
* second step is catching myself in the act of doing it (too late this time, though...but learn from it)
* third step, avoid doing it altogether.