So, I'm reading "How
Full is Your Bucket?" by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton. It is compelling
to read some of the anecdotes in the book and to realize how far off the
mark so much of society has become.
For some time now, I have been actually telling people the good things that I think or feel about them or how some one thing they do means a lot to me. I've done all of this months before reading the book. People's reaction is of complete and utter surprise or wondering what is the ulterior motive (and even concern for me--which is much appreciated).
We have become a society where we focus on the negative--we have been that way for a long time. We have to point out things in other people that they already know about themselves. For example, "you have one blue sock on and one black sock on". When we realized that in ourselves, we are already thinking "gosh I sure hope no one notices" but of course, someone does, comments, makes everyone else in the room aware of it and the torture goes on. For what purpose?
Companies began to try to motivate staff positively by implementing an employee of the month program. That works great the first few months when we reward those employees who really do shine. Then after awhile, it starts to go to those who don't really deserve the recognition just so there can be a name on the plaque. . .or the same two or three people get the award over and over.
The thing is that every day, we have thousands of opportunities to be positive. But instead, the comments we write our teachers and principals at school are about what we don't like. We gripe at friends, neighbors, co-workers. Bosses tell us we are not efficient enough, don't work enough hours, make too many mistakes.
The book I am reading sites a statistic that 65% of the population says they received no positive recognition in the workplace last year. When polled about why they leave a job, the number one reason is lack of feeling appreciated.
All it takes is a few words. In the approximately 20,000 individual moments we have every day to make a positive comment, do we seize the opportunity? Do we say to our friends, "I admire how you are involved in your children's lives. It takes a lot of personal sacrifice to be able to do those things."? Do we say to our pastor "your homily really touched me today, I'm so glad that you said those things because it really had an impact on my life." Do we say to our volunteers, "you have so much passion in what you do and all the kids appreciate your efforts. You make it so special for them."
Plaques and certificates of appreciation are nice but are far less meaningful than specific meaningful praise. I could have a thousand certificates than mean a lot less than one "You always make things so nice for everyone and it shows how much you care by the effort you put into things".
A simple "Thank you" is nice. But, it is not specific. Specific praise is vastly more meaningful, more compelling, and more motivating to others to continue doing good things.
It feels so good to tell people specifically what you find wonderful about them, what you admire about them, what means something to you.
Take some of those 20,000 moments you have every day and try to give someone meaningful and specific praise. Be genuine.
Tell someone that their smile makes your day or something they said will keep you smiling for the rest of the day. Tell someone that you will always treasure them because of something you shared with them. People are important even if for simple reasons. No one should feel like there is nothing special about them. Especially find some specific praise about the most unlikely individuals and see what their face looks like when you say it to them. . .it is priceless.
For some time now, I have been actually telling people the good things that I think or feel about them or how some one thing they do means a lot to me. I've done all of this months before reading the book. People's reaction is of complete and utter surprise or wondering what is the ulterior motive (and even concern for me--which is much appreciated).
We have become a society where we focus on the negative--we have been that way for a long time. We have to point out things in other people that they already know about themselves. For example, "you have one blue sock on and one black sock on". When we realized that in ourselves, we are already thinking "gosh I sure hope no one notices" but of course, someone does, comments, makes everyone else in the room aware of it and the torture goes on. For what purpose?
Companies began to try to motivate staff positively by implementing an employee of the month program. That works great the first few months when we reward those employees who really do shine. Then after awhile, it starts to go to those who don't really deserve the recognition just so there can be a name on the plaque. . .or the same two or three people get the award over and over.
The thing is that every day, we have thousands of opportunities to be positive. But instead, the comments we write our teachers and principals at school are about what we don't like. We gripe at friends, neighbors, co-workers. Bosses tell us we are not efficient enough, don't work enough hours, make too many mistakes.
The book I am reading sites a statistic that 65% of the population says they received no positive recognition in the workplace last year. When polled about why they leave a job, the number one reason is lack of feeling appreciated.
All it takes is a few words. In the approximately 20,000 individual moments we have every day to make a positive comment, do we seize the opportunity? Do we say to our friends, "I admire how you are involved in your children's lives. It takes a lot of personal sacrifice to be able to do those things."? Do we say to our pastor "your homily really touched me today, I'm so glad that you said those things because it really had an impact on my life." Do we say to our volunteers, "you have so much passion in what you do and all the kids appreciate your efforts. You make it so special for them."
Plaques and certificates of appreciation are nice but are far less meaningful than specific meaningful praise. I could have a thousand certificates than mean a lot less than one "You always make things so nice for everyone and it shows how much you care by the effort you put into things".
A simple "Thank you" is nice. But, it is not specific. Specific praise is vastly more meaningful, more compelling, and more motivating to others to continue doing good things.
It feels so good to tell people specifically what you find wonderful about them, what you admire about them, what means something to you.
Take some of those 20,000 moments you have every day and try to give someone meaningful and specific praise. Be genuine.
Tell someone that their smile makes your day or something they said will keep you smiling for the rest of the day. Tell someone that you will always treasure them because of something you shared with them. People are important even if for simple reasons. No one should feel like there is nothing special about them. Especially find some specific praise about the most unlikely individuals and see what their face looks like when you say it to them. . .it is priceless.
