Letting it Go

When things upset me, I used to bottle it up inside and as I grew, the capacity for what I could hold grew proportionately. No one knew what I kept inside of me...no one knew by looking at my together exterior that the interior was a tumultuous mess.

Sometimes, I would go in my room and cry by myself and I thought that was "letting it go". Through the tears...but it was not, because although the tears escaped, I swallowed down the pain or anger and put back on my happy face to present to everyone else. No issues were resolved but just locked up again.

So today, I am thinking about how to "let it go".

I think it would be nice if it was as easy as a deep breath being exhaled...

Or, letting go could be like blowing bubbles and seeing the float away and pop...

Letting go could be like a helium balloon being let go to fly away into the sky...

It could be like an angry fire that has burnt out...

Or, maybe as simple as blowing out a candle...


I have a lot to let go of. And it is not so much the individual acts but what those acts have represented.

I don't really know for sure how to let things go...but i wish it were as simple as blowing bubbles or letting a helium balloon float away.

I have a feeling though, that it has to start with ME. And the fact of the matter is, that most issues that bring me disappointment in my adult life, I bring upon myself by having expectations and hopes. Professor Herb said in class one night that people adjust their expectations, but they do not adjust their hopes.

For the things of TODAY, I'm pretty sure, that for me to "let it go" maybe I need to not take it on to begin with...or at least some things, anyways. I need to adjust my expectations. Just because I would do something, does not mean that others would or should... And, just because I think someone should do something a certain way, does not mean they will.

So, if i can just get myself to STOP before i have those expectations, I will not be setting myself up to have things to "let go of." I think that I can keep myself from taking on anymore...

But, for the things that I do need to "let go of" from the PAST....well, maybe I will try blowing bubbles and watching balloons float off into the sky. And maybe on an cool October day, I will sit by a campfire and watch a raging fire burn until the last ember has extinguished. And all the while, i will be thinking of how to release the hurt and anger I have held inside of me for 30 years. I want to let it go...but I'm not quite sure how just yet.