I knew a child who had that happen to him. I knew him when he was 5. And what really makes me angry is that because he had behavior issues, his hope, and the hope of his family was taken away...at least in my opinion.
You see, kids with special needs often have behavior issues and lots of them. So much so that if you tried to work on every one of them at once, there would never be a moment of peace, rest or joy in the day. Both the child and the adult would be miserable. And I know this to be true from my own personal experience.
I eventually learned that I was getting nowhere fast. And when I broke things down into manageable pieces, we were able to make progress because we could better see the successes.
So, the child I knew...every day, he was made to feel a failure. No accommodations were made for his issues. He was expected to meet the "normal" rules of the road when in his mind things did not work normal.
I think it is just plain sad. Things so simple could have been done to remove issues for this child. If he did not use scissors "appropriately" then instead of keeping scissors at the tables, maybe put all the class scissors in a bin and the students get them when they need them....take away the easy access. Voila...one problem is solved and one target off his back. Simple.
The thing about me, is that I go into a classroom unbiased...no matter what someone tells me ahead of time...One day, this child was testing me... and I knew it. He colored his whole desktop with pencil...not surprisingly, the children in the class came to tell me of his bad behavior, after all, their "reporting" of his behavior had been reinforced by the fact that he had always gotten into trouble. But for me...I just acknowledged that i saw that and sent them on their way.
The boy was quite taken aback by my reaction. He even asked if I minded. I told him I did not...that pencil was washable but that the rest of us were going to have snack now and he would not be allowed to have it until he cleaned off his desk. At that, he continued to color with pencil a minute or two longer testing me further. He asked if I was going to make him pull a ticket (behavior system)...i said no...just that he could not have snack till he cleaned off that desk...I could not let him have his snack on a dirty desk.
So, he stopped, washed his desk and had his snack. WIN! He won and I won. He did not have a target on his back and I got him to manage his own behavior. Clearly the ticket system was not working...so why keep it going.
The rest of that day...he and I had an unspoken agreement...we understood how we would work together.
At the end of that day I was telling his grandfather, who was used to the daily reports of his grandson's bad behavior, how well he had done that day. The child was BEAMING because he had had a win. And it felt good to him....so good that maybe tomorrow he might have wanted another win.
And, amazingly, someone, an adult, interrupted and reminded this child of how yesterday he had done such and such. Speechless....that winning day was stripped away from that child and for what purpose....NONE...other than to knock him down yet again. A five year old.
Well, not on my watch. Every kids gets a win. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. We have no idea what they are going through. We get them, as educators, for 6.5 hours a day...and I know that for many of them, it is the best hours of their day.
And when they are with me...there will be lots of wins...and that is because I get it. My journey in life...I picked up the messages on the way...and I get it.
Those kids like that boy...they need teachers like me...the ones who give them a win...give them a taste of what success feels like. If they don't know what it feels like then how will they know they want it?
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