You Never Know What You're Gonna Get

"My momma always said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.'" ~ Forrest Gump 

 I was never a big fan of boxed chocolates...well, except for the Whitman's Sampler which has the flavors identified in the lid.  Unlike the famous quote of Forrest Gump's momma, with respect to the Whitman Sampler, you do know what you're gonna get.  I was always the type of girl who knew exactly what I wanted and I only wanted that.  So, as far as boxed chocolates were concerned, the Whitman's Sampler was pure brilliance. There were no unfortunate surprises.  You always knew exactly what you were going to get.

 

But, not all boxes of chocolates are as considerate as Whitman's Sampler, and especially with respect to life, Forrest's momma was right...you never know what you're gonna get.

This past Wednesday, I had the pleasure of listening to students whom I had taught a writing lesson to play the theme song from Forrest Gump at a band concert.  To introduce the song, one of the students, in his best Forrest Gump imitation said, "My momma always said, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.'"  I sat there, tears welling in my eyes, so proud of "my" students who were not mine to claim...students who were in the sixth grade, whom I had taught intermittently as a substitute teacher since they were kindergartners.  

That day, I had been happy...I had that feeling back that I had felt just years before.  The feeling of satisfaction with what you are doing with your life, that the students in front of you appreciate what you are doing, that what you are sharing with them matters, that you are building them up in a meaningful way.  

When the band started playing, I reflected back on how I felt when I stated graduate school.  I was eager and full of anticipation.  I thought I knew exactly how things were going to play out.  I would go to school, get my teaching license and the school that I had been a substitute teacher at for six years would certainly have a place for me.  I wanted that.  The students wanted that.  I was certain that with my hard work and my passion that I would finally find my place in life.

But..."life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you are going to get".  I find myself, three years later, not with a job at the school I so badly wanted to teach, not with the students whom I have known and cared for for six years, not where I had anticipated.  There are no jobs.

I find myself searching, still.  Searching for my place in life.  Searching for the students, the school, the colleagues, the place where I can share my passion.  I don't know if I will have to move away from the area I have lived my whole life to find a job.  I don't know if I will have to relocate my family.  I don't like uncertainty. Or is is mystery?  To be honest, it is one in the same.  Uncertainty, mystery...either way, I don't know what the future holds...I cannot control it.  What I can control is my attitude towards the not knowing.

I don't know much right now, but I do know that I still am not a fan of boxes of chocolates...But life is not a box of chocolates.  I can buy the Whitman's Sampler and pick and choose the pieces I like.  I cannot do that with life.  I have to either choose to take life's uncertainties, mysteries and unknowns in stride or let them destroy me in anxieties.  As life is revealed to me, I choose to embrace it or fight it.  You never know what you are gonna get...momma was right.  But you can choose how to handle it.  And to some extent, you can make that a part of who you are at all times.  It is hard work...no doubt about it.  But, at least, as Forrest said, you can "look back and say I didn't lead no humdrum life."