In My Garden...A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime and More

I grew up in the country on six acres of land.  A long gravel lane led back to the house up against which many flower beds and rock gardens provided vibrant color to the expansive field of green grass that was dotted with dandelions poking their yellow heads up here and there. When I was a young girl, I spent many long summer days weeding gardens, dead-heading  annuals and transplanting perennials.  At the end of each summer, mother and I dug up bulbs and shook the dirt off of them so that they would be safe as some types of flower bulbs would not survive in the cold winter ground.  I did not appreciate the experience of tending the gardens when I was a child, but I did enjoy the flowers.  I enjoyed the variety, the scent, the color, and the season long blooms.

I remember, one of my favorite childhood songs:

Friends are like flowers, Beautiful flowers

Friends are like Flowers in the garden of life.

Are you a Daisy? Are you a Rose? Are you a Dandelion?

You can be what you are and I'll be what I am

We can be friends in the garden of life.

Sister Jeannine used to play her guitar and lead all of us children in singing it.   I thought it was about me because my name was Rosie and I had a special "role" in the song because I was the Rose. I did not realize then that the song was about differences and accepting each other for who we are-- I did not realize then that what makes a garden beautiful is flowers (friends) of all varieties.

What I did not realize then is that to have a perfect garden of flowers and a perfect garden of friends we need flowers and friends for all seasons. Like the flowers that I helped my mother tend in the gardens and rock beds in the country, those friends would be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I have been very fortunate throughout my life.  I have had some wonderful friends.  But, in my life, all of my dearest friends have moved away.   I had never really thought much of it until my adulthood.  Growing up in a military town, people come and go frequently and I presumed that relationships did not stand the test of time...at least not long term. But, this trend continued into my adulthood and that is when I really began to suffer the loss with each and every... last... one... of... them. As each friend moved away and slowly, the friendship faded, I knew that their life in their new town was thriving and I was left behind with my hands and my heart empty... again.

Months after a good friend disappeared from my life, I made a new friend. After talking to this friend a couple of times, he showed me the poem called A Reason, a Season, a Lifetime.  I was shown this poem to help me...  I guess it was to help me make peace, to help me understand how people hold places in our lives. Perhaps it was to show that while not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever, they all hold a beautiful and important role.  After I read this poem, I wept silently.  Even though I knew it was meant to give me some kind of peace, my focus was on my losses.  I don't like loss.  I don't like losing people I love.  I had lost so many people who were important to me that I did not have any "lifetimes".  I had often marveled at people who had friends they had known since childhood.  I thought to myself how fortunate they must be to have such a strong history with someone.  I wished terribly that I was important enough to be worthy of being a "lifetime" for a friend.

What I have come to realize in the year since I first read the poem, is that people do not just come and go making them reasons and seasons.  They actually can come again!

I have thought about this and realized that our garden of friends...and the one that we plant has this!  In our gardens we plant annuals which live only one season.  They bring us beauty, fragrance, and joy.  Our friendships that may be annuals bring us the same but in a different way.  They may teach us something and help us do things we have never done. For both the annuals of flowers and friends when their time is done, they are gone..the are only here for one season.

But flowers can also be perennials.  They live for years but there are periods of dormancy.These are the friends that come and go and come back again!  I know this is true because I have lived it.  Having not heard from a friend for over a year, I had one seek me out.  I learned from that event.  I learned some important lessons:

• People come back.
• Never, ever give up hope.
• Things are not always as they seem to be.
• If you want something bad enough, forever is not too long to wait.

I want a garden.  I want a beautiful garden.  And while it is sad to see our flowers fade at the end of a season, so too is it sad to see friendships fade at the end of a season.  Yet, we must celebrate the fragrance and  that each flower and each friend has brought us for that season.

Sometimes, our heart may grieve terribly for the loss of a friend and we may be inclined to thing that friend may have been an "annual" and just there for a season.  I won't allow myself to make that assumption anymore.  I know that people come and go and can come back again if we allow doors to remain open or at least leave them unlocked.

I know that even though there are times I have often thought that I would do myself less pain if I would just "give up" and "let go" but that is not completely accurate.  The pain of wanting a friend to be close again resides in the place I dwell.  If i dwell in the past memories, I hurt.  If I dwell in what I want and do not have, I hurt.  If I simply live in the moment and "be", it is what it is.  I need to "tend the garden of friends I have now and honor them."  I can still have hope without dwelling elsewhere.

If I want a particular rare flower in my garden, I would keep trying.  If I want a particular friend in my garden, so to I will try.  If a flower is worth it, so to is a person.  Forever is not too long to wait.

I want a beautiful garden.  We should be careful gardeners and tend our flowers.  We need to remember that a garden has all kinds of flowers...annuals and perennials...and each has a very important role.  Every garden should have a few statues...they should be there for a lifetime....standing steadfast and solid.

For my losses, I say this... "Dum spiro, spero ~ While I breathe, I hope."

And for those who are here now, I will try hard to tend my garden and dell in the present.  You deserve my time and attention for without proper nourishment, flowers fade.