Little Things...Big Message: Opening Eyes and Minds to SEE Them

Every day, we walk through life with our eyes open.   Passing perhaps hundreds and sometimes even thousands of people a day, we have an opportunity to see things and make meaning from them.  But for many of us, in our fast paced lives, we just look…we do not see.  Looking and seeing are so very different.  When you see something in the way I am talking about, you attach some level of meaning to it.  You can look at people and see the shell.  If you see people, you see more to them than just the outside.  You notice the details of their behavior, their personality, and perhaps you make a connection to them—even if it is someone you may ever know personally.

Last year, I went to the Indianapolis Zoo with my sons.  While waiting for the dolphin show to start, I was people watching as I often do.  A father and daughter caught my eye.  The daughter was approximately 1 ½ to 2 years old.  She leaned in and kissed her father and he kissed her back.  I had a difficult time not watching them further.

What I found so entrancing about them was that the daughter had Down Syndrome and the father was so proud of her.  The image of them has stuck with me for so long and I have told so many people about it…what I saw when I looked at them was a lesson to everyone there but maybe I am the only one who saw it.

That father was amazing.  Having grown up a child of an alcoholic who never held or kissed his little girl—one who tried to do everything perfect, one who did not have the disability of Down Syndrome—I never got what that little girl got—hugged and kissed by my father, a father’s love.  They say that God gives us only what we can handle…and that father showed that crowd how to care for his daughter with love and grace.  I wonder how many fathers there do not show their children the affection they need.  When so many parents have the gift of children put before them, blessed with children who have no disabilities, those children are cast aside entirely too often.  This father, a father of a child with Down Syndrome displayed a remarkable connection to his daughter--one I admire and perhaps even envy.

What I saw when I watched the daughter was a gift.  Her life, their life, will not be easy.  But, I see a girl who has made a difference.  That day, and for many days (now at least a year) after, I still think of her and I wish that she and her father and mother knew that she has made a difference-at least to one person, even if it is just me.  This is how…

There are many times that I am tired and exhausted.  Having a child with a disability myself I know that it is very trying to always be on your best game.  I have a son who likes to give me hugs all the time…so much so that I often want to avoid them just to have some space.  As I watched that father and daughter, I reflected about my father and also that my son has a disability.  I admired so much how that father treated his daughter.  I realized then, that even though I may be tired and want space, I did not want my kids to feel like I did not want to have them near me.  That is never the case.  I knew that somehow I needed to figure out a way of meeting my kid’s needs and mine as well.  Virginia Satir, a family therapist, tells us that “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

That girl and her father, what I saw…it was just not a hug and a kiss.  That one little hug and kiss...it was a BIG lesson.  It only takes a hug, a heartfelt and warm embrace, to change the lives of others.  And in this case, her hug…the one she gave to her father…it changed my life, too.